They say communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Although we are taught to communicate from an early age, many of us are not well-equipped with the right communication skills to have the healthiest relationship.
Perhaps the latter is one reason why the divorce rates are so high. In fact, approximately 40 to 50 percent of American couples end up divorcing at some point in their marriages. While many damaged relationships and marriages can be saved with a change in communication, sometimes the best way to ensure a lasting relationship is to start off on the right foot.
However, women often find that communicating with the man they are interested in is more difficult than imaginable considering males are often taught to communicate and express emotions differently than females. Being shy on top of lacking communication skills makes talking to males even harder, but taking the following tips can help you out:
1. Eliminate distractions
While distractions are typically calming for a shy person when talking to their male love interest, eliminating the distractions in the room when talking face-to-face makes things easier for your dream man to focus on the conversation. Visual distractions are particularly important to eliminate.
Some may argue that humans can’t truly multitask at all, but research found that men cannot multitask the way women do. In fact, many men actually prefer to focus on one thing at a time. That said, talking to a man while he’s watching television or as you’re scrolling through your phone in front of him while mid-conversation is no-gos.
2. Talk about yourself without stealing the limelight
In many male-female relationships, the female often does most of the talking, but this isn’t always the case. And just because a woman is more communicative doesn’t mean the man doesn’t have things he wants to say as well. When a person is only allowed to listen and not speak, their interest in the conversation greatly diminishes.
While your man may be attracted by a woman who is confident and always has things to say, the conversation might go stale if you’re the only one talking. Keep humble during the conversation; allow the man to get his thoughts in and speak about himself. When he says something about himself, attempt not to turn the conversation back onto yourself.
3. Ask questions
To keep an active conversation going and ensure both you and your guy have turns talking, asking questions is important. Of course, asking questions is also a great way to get better acquainted with someone and learn new things about them.
But in any conversation with anyone, it’s never a good thing to ask too many questions as this can come off like an interview. With men, in particular, it’s important to ask a question and wait for his response before asking another question or saying something else. Researching different questions to ask a guy can ensure you ask the right things at the right time.
4. Say it as it is
Truthfully, miscommunications and arguments are quick to arise when women speak indirectly with men yet expect them to essentially read their mind. For instance, a woman might tell a man how bored she is with the intention that he will ask to hang out with her. But for most men, they may instead take the statement literally and not see the hint behind it.
More often than not, when the man doesn’t catch on, the woman gets mad, the man becomes confused why the woman is mad, but then the woman begins giving the man the silent treatment as he contemplates what he did wrong. From a woman’s perspective, the man is “playing dumb” but from the man’s perspective, the woman is demanding and unrealistic.
In reality, if you want something or feel a certain way, tell the man that exactly. Don’t use hints or assume he will automatically know what’s expected of him. Using indirect communication is often confusing for men, as is the unexpected anger of women that results from men not understanding the indirect communication.
5. Keep your emotions in check
Unfortunately, most men are not the best when it comes to dealing with emotions. This goes for both their own as well as others’. Men are often taught to be tough and to suppress their emotions. Thus, expecting a man to be direct about his emotions physically or even socially, let alone understand yours completely, will not allow the conversation nor the bond to be strong.
Avoiding extreme emotion (e.g., crying, anger outbursts) and dramatic stories when communicating with your man is important. While this doesn’t mean you should hold back how you truly feel, what it does mean is that keeping your cool toward the earlier stages of the friendship or relationship would be advised.
6. Stay on topic
Back to the idea that men don’t tend to do well with distractions, make sure you stay on topic when in the middle of a conversation. Frequently jumping from topic to topic can be deemed stressful, especially when the last topic was not entirely completed. Staying on topic is important to get the greatest quality out of the conversation.
When you go to change to another topic, make sure your man has had time to say what he wanted to say and that the communication permits that the topic can be changed, to begin with.
7. Shy away from too much detail
The attention span of males tends to be shorter than that of the average female. Yet, women often enjoy dragging on their speech to make it as dramatic and juicy as possible. That said, telling a man a long, detailed story tends to cut off the conversation quicker than if you were to quickly get to the point.
The thing to remember is if you can conclude something in a sentence or two with enough backstory information, do it. If a man requests more detail from your story, he can always ask for it. Sometimes less is more; quality over quantity.
8. Don’t talk your head off
Women are often the main communicators when it comes to male-female friendships or relationships. However, keeping a conversation going for hours on end can be draining for a male given their shorter attention spans and reduced ability to maintain focus. You may even notice that a lot of men like to keep things short and sweet when talking with one another.
While conversations tend to be longer in the beginning as you’re getting acquainted with a man, dragging on the conversation longer than it needs to be, being naggy with how little you communicate, replying too quickly or with too much at a time, or starting another conversation shortly after a previous conversation ended are things to avoid.
As if communicating with males isn’t already difficult enough for many women, being quiet and shy can make the social experience that much harder. However, there are ways the majority of men prefer to be communicated with.
Communicating with a man is easiest when there are no distractions, they are given a chance to talk themselves, and are asked questions. Men also tend to communicate directly, don’t deal with emotion well, and prefer not to jump through a series of topics. Avoiding digging too deep into the details and talking too much are additional ways to keep a male love interest engaged.
While one doesn’t need to completely alter their communication style to get a man to become interested in them, the proper communication can help significantly for the relationship in the long-run.