When you are in love, everything about him seems perfect and that marriage proposal must have been the best thing that happened in your life, right? Well, it might seem so, but the reality is that your brain is, pretty much, tricking you and making you obsess over the object of your love, says Helen Fisher in her recent study of how love affects the brain. The emotion triggers the same centers as cocaine, so it’s basically forming an addiction to a person.
Obviously, you won’t be receptive to seeing your partner’s faults while in this heightened emotional state. But it doesn’t last forever. With time, the euphoria triggered by romantic love will vane, so your rose-tinted glasses will come off. And at this moment, you’ll see if you made the right choice. If the man is indeed as good as you perceived him as, your love will simply evolve and you’ll have your happily ever after.
However, you might discover that the emotional rush of your early romantic love literally made you blind to some of your partner’s faults. If that’s the case, divorce might be the best thing to happen, but many women experience a lot of pain before they get there. Some of them are never able to leave their toxic and abusive relationships behind.
To avoid becoming a part of this sad statistic, you should stop and analyze your relationship before making that final commitment. For all that romantic love makes you high, this effect doesn’t last 24/7 all year round. You can think rationally, it’s just that you might not want to. So, take this moment now to do that despite anything your inner romantic is telling you. Are any red flags appearing in your seemingly perfect relationship?
Also, remember that even if you don’t end up in an abusive relationship, going through divorce will be a trial. Elaine, who managed to get an easy divorce in Texas, says that despite the amicable separation and uncontested divorce, this was the worst year of her life. First of all, the legal process itself took a little over a year, and that’s a good result for Texas. In some states, divorcing will take even longer. Also Elaine developed a severe case of depression, which made it hard for her to work and care for her children. Her life was close to ruined, and that was with an easy divorce.
Now, think how much worse it could be if on top of all these issues, she had to deal with lawyers and courts?
Therefore, the policy of “well, if it doesn’t work out we can always get divorced” isn’t something you should hitch your bets on. So, look out for those red flags.
10 Relationship Red Flags That Say You Should Pay Attention To
- You want to change something about him.
- You can’t be fully yourself around him.
- You’ve caught him on a lie.
- You always seem to “lose” or do things his way for some other reasons.
- Your life goals are incompatible.
- You often have to make excuses for him.
- You cannot open up and be completely honest and open with him.
- He has bullied or otherwise abused you at any point in the relationship (demeaning you verbally also counts!)
- He prioritizes his needs over yours. All the time.
- You prioritize your needs over his. All the time.
The last one is particularly disturbing. Although, your euphoric brain might not see it like this at the moment. And yet, as says a certified coach Kelly Ann Garnett: “When a man lets you walk all over him, he is not your soulmate”.
Someone who sees you as the absolute perfection and agrees to everything you say, even to their own detriment, might be more obsessed than in love. And that’s a warning sign for some serious mental health issues.